When compiling my list of Pros and Cons of Being a Call Girl, I think I’d put ‘primping’ at the top of the Cons column.
I hate primping. And I hate being primped. I am currently donning a hairstyle that screams Aging Hippie (but clean), primarily because I missed two appointments with the one woman I’ve trusted to cut my hair for 10 years and am too ashamed to call her for an appointment.
To clarify: I am not hair-centric, I just think the end bits have to be hacked away occasionally. Unfortunately, hairstylists rank high on my expansive Irrational Fears list. The reasons for this are obvious:
- I hate small talk.
- I hate sitting with a mirror in front of my face.
- I hate having my hair styled:
- I hate goop in my hair.
- I hate hair dryers.
- I hate having stuff sprayed at my head.
- I hate having to do that bit at the end where I’m meant to look at myself in the mirror, turn my head this way and that, and say, “Oooh, I love it!”
Really, I think I’d rather go to the gynecologist. At least I’m not expected to give positive feedback like, “That was the best pap smear I’ve ever had” after being prodded at.
My current hairstylist, of whom I’m out of favor, has accepted that I will inquire about her daughter, answer two obligatory questions about movies I’ve seen lately, and then go into Sedated Zombie mode until the end, at which time I will thank her, give her a check, and go home to take a shower. And while I can’t say she believes me when I come up with excuses like, “I’m going home to tile my ceilings, so there’s no need to style my hair,” she does have the courtesy to not look at me like I’m an idiot when I wander from her salon into the sub-zero degree night with soaking wet hair.
The Pros of being a Call Girl, however, are abundant enough for me to get past the primping bit, if only I were 10 years younger… oh, and not married. That being said, Hec would make an excellent pimp. He could probably talk anyone into having sex with me and then shoot the dude if he decided to beat me up or something. Not that I would be beat up, because I’d be a High Class Call Girl like Billie Piper and only have hot clients who don’t have peeing fetishes or anything weird like that. And I wouldn’t have a Pimp, I’d have a Madam, or ideally, be freelance. But I think at the beginning I’d have to have a Madam so I could establish my clientele.
Oh, and I won’t do a ménage a trois if it’s me and two guys. That’s gross.